How to Actually Rest When You Are Really Bad at Resting

By Dr. Stephanie Daniel | Fortis PT and Pelvic Health | Greenville, SC

If you know you need rest but struggle to actually slow down, this one is for you.

A few years ago, when I had just launched Fortis, I was grinding. Constant work. Pedal to the metal. All gas, no brakes. I kept pushing and pushing, and I was exhausted. Gosh, no idea why!

I went home to my parents for my birthday and it took a full seven days to unplug. Seven. Days. The problem was that I was only staying for eight. Then it was right back to work.

That is not rest, friends. Thats striving, hustling, and it's not how we're designed to live.

Why this season hits so hard

I could go on a lot of tangents here, but I will keep it simple. This time of year is meant for slowing down. For preparing our hearts for Christmas. For creating space to breathe. Not for burnout, stress, and rushing from one thing to the next while pretending we are fine.

Yes, December piles on plenty. Parties. School programs. End of semester chaos. Travel. Family schedules. Shopping. Traditions. All of it. It builds quickly and it builds heavy.

People tell me all the time that they want to rest, but they cannot find the time or their minds will not stop racing long enough to settle. If that is you, then take a moment and check in with your body. It probably feels rigid or tight or stiff in places you did not even realize you were gripping. Maybe life or your heart feels heavy. Here's the thing, we often are hoarders in our hearts and minds. Carrying things we were never meant to carry, piling thing on top of thing, crowding our mind, schedule, and life with so many things that there is a tiny path from room to room and we think, "well there's a path, so there's room for more." Allow me to gently remind you: it is perfectly okay to let things go. We can say no to the extra. We can rest.

What this has to do with pelvic floor health

You might be wondering why your friendly local pelvic PT is going on a whole blog post rant about rest. Here is why: Your pelvic floor feels the state of your nervous system. When you are stressed and running on empty, your pelvic floor usually mirrors that tension. It becomes rigid, almost like a spring that thinks it is a brick.

But our bodies need both mobility and strength. Not all strength and holding. Not laziness and laxity. And definitely not living in survival mode, hoping one more thing does not go wrong. We need both and the way we get that? Balance. Rhythms. Strength, work, effort, but also rest, restoration, recovery.

When the pelvic floor stays tight and grumpy, people often experience:

• Pressure or heaviness

• Leaking during stress

• Pain

• Difficulty relaxing

• Tight hips or low back discomfort that hangs around

• A general sense that nothing can fully let go

If you hear nothing else today, hear this. Rest is not lazy. It is a skill. And it changes your life, your mind, your body, and yes, your pelvic floor.

The role of routine in rest, sleep, and your circadian rhythm

One thing I talk about a lot with patients is the importance of routine. Not a rigid schedule that makes your life harder, but a simple consistent rhythm your body can count on.

Your nervous system and your circadian rhythm love predictability. The research out there on this is next level. Seriously, I recommend looking into it if you're looking for some light reading.

• Consistent cues help your body recognize when it is time to wind down.

• These cues improve sleep quality, which is one of the most powerful regulators of the pelvic floor and stress response.

• Better sleep means fewer spikes in stress hormones, less muscle guarding, and more capacity to relax.

If you have ever had a season where your evenings are chaotic, you probably noticed your body never quite settles. A simple routine helps your system shift gears so you can actually rest instead of collapsing into bed still wired.

Think of it like giving your body a soft landing instead of dropping into a crash pad.

Now, parents, I know you're thinking that's nice, but if you think that's so easy, you don't have kids keeping you up at all hours and still have a million things to get done around the house. No, you're correct, but let me clarify: I don't mean go ham and be unrealistic. I also know this can be a really hard thing to do. Start small and find what's doable for you. This routine could be as simple as turn the phone off an hour before bed, do whatever you need or want to do before bed (without screens), and have your routine for getting ready for bed in the same order every night. Easy place to start: Use bathroom, wash face, brush teeth, change into pjs, get in bed. Or, whatever order you like. Just keep it the same every night. Not adding anything crazy into an already potentially chaotic time of day. You're just creating a rhythm.

Two simple resets you can try this week

These are gentle, quick, and accessible for even the busiest December.

1. Do nothing for one minute (or more)

I mean literally nothing. Set a timer for one minute. Sit or lay down. Put your phone on do not disturb. Maybe dim the lights. Sit in silence. Notice your breath, but do not try to change it. Let your shoulders fall away from your ears. Let your belly soften. Melt into your chair or bed.

Most people are shocked at how uncomfortable this feels at first. That is not failure. It is a sign your body has forgotten how to settle. The more you practice, the easier it gets, and the more your pelvic floor learns to release too.

2. Create a simple evening “off switch” ritual

Think of this as a signal to your body that the day is done, even if your brain still wants to plan, fix, scroll, or think through tomorrow.

Choose one thing you can repeat most nights:

• Light a candle

• Turn off overhead lights and switch to lamps

• Make a warm cup of tea

• Stretch your hips for a quick 30 seconds

• Sit on the floor instead of the couch

• Spend time in prayer or meditation with the Christmas tree lights on

It does not matter what you pick. What matters is consistency. These cues help your brain say, “We are shifting out of high alert now.”

Be gentle with yourself here. You will probably fidget or feel impatient at first. Your mind may wander. That is normal. Gently bring yourself back when you notice this and keep going.

Rest takes practice, but your body will thank you

You are allowed to slow down.You are allowed to feel peace in your body.You are allowed to practice rest, even if it feels like a foreign language right now.

Your pelvic floor, your sleep, your mood, and your overall health respond directly to how well your nervous system can settle.

Try one of these this week and notice what changes.

And if you have a favorite way to rest, I would love to hear it. Send me a message or share it at your next session. I am always gathering ideas for myself and my patients.